and so, the journey continues

.... 23 is a mighty important number to me. It's the number of change. The number of tragedy and the number of life. I spent my 5 month anniversary (on the 23rd of September) at UT Southwestern Hospital getting a CT Scan (which is hilarious to me because the entire department knows my BY NAME and BIRTHDATE) and then off to see Dr. A, my surgeon. Good news? The damage is not below the muscle. Bad news? I have to get it surgically fixed- but it's a relatively easy surgery and recovery period with only 2-3 days in the hospital. Awesome. It hurts and itches and is driving me insane. Grrrrrr.....

Going to work tomorrow- and then off for a week. Dr. A was 90% sure I would have the surgery Monday, but there is a 10% chance it will happen the following Monday. Whatever. Just fix it.

I have walked (for the past week) to and from M's school in the mornings. It's been so calm and relaxing (after I drop her off of course) and I have also been eating a tad bit healthier. I have had several salads and less junk food. I am telling you all of this because I have GAINED 3 POUNDS. It must be muscle.

23

Tomorrow is September 23rd. The first day of Autumn (my favorite season). Free Hug Day. The day the Jetsons premiered in 1962. The day the planet Neptune was discovered in 1846. The day Ray Charles was born. It was also the day, 5 months ago, that I had my colon removed; it has changed my life totally and completely and I don't even know where to begin. I am starting to be more confident as I change my bag. More confident when I'm out in public and need to go to the bathroom. More confident when I dress for a night out- though I rarely have the energy for those nights. I have been taking showers WITHOUT my bag, which is, nearly orgasmic. In the past week I have traded tacos for salad and have begun the tiny step of walking M to school, giving me a good 30 minutes of brisk walking. I talk about it less.... it's not such a 'freaky' thing I have to discuss about constantly.

Tomorrow is September 23rd and I have to spend it at the hospital, because my body just can't figure out this whole "no colon" thing. Evidently all the brisk before school/ work walking has damaged a muscle which has caused my stoma to swell and enlarge. I mean, really? Are you freaking kidding me? WALKING has caused an injury. Awesome. I'll be at UT Soutwestern St. Paul with all of the amazing nurses and doctors that put up with by grumpy bitterness and snarky comments.

It's been 5 months and I feel like I just keep rebooting and starting all over again.

PS: Don't want to forget about my heart..... June 23 was the day of my heart attack- so it's been 3 months since that life changing experience.

Dear Universe,

I would like to start over...

Ctrl+ Alt+ Del

From 40 to 60

Evidently changing a very important medication from a low dose to a high dose causes "have new or worsening symptoms such as: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more depressed, or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself." I can really relate to the IRRITABLE, AGITATED, HOSTILE OR AGGRESSIVE behavior right now. Back to 40 I go.....

And if that isn't just the cat's meow- I get to go see my Colo-Rectal Surgeon this afternoon! Better than a day at Six Flags.

Best Quote Ever

So in the midst of all this madness in my life I read a blog entitled "Blood, Poop, and Tears." http://bloodpooptears.wordpress.com/ Basically the same situation, just I have Scleroderma and she has MS and she had Ulcerative Colitis and I had.... who knows. The one thing we have in common is she is also living with an illestomy. She basically says everything I can't put into words... and here is just another reason why I constantly check her blog: "I have no tolerance for other people problems any more either. Like if your leg isn’t falling off, I don’t care. And it better not be just falling off it better have been blown to bits, reconstructed, and then died after they reattached it." My thoughts exactly.

Bazaar/ Bizarre?

Today is September 7th. I am lying in bed (of course) watching the drama unfold from the "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" (what I missed last night). I have done my "full body scan" several times in the past couple of days- head? good. throat? good. heart? good. stomach? great! rash under my stoma? STAPH. I'm totally serious. It's an effing Staph/ MRSA infection. Don't worry though, unless you have licked my abdomen in the past week you won't get it. (actually, I would feel tons better if you just went right now and washed your hands. go. now.)

This "every week" thing is getting so annoying. The total colectomy in April? Acceptable. The heart attack in June? Ridiculous. The tear in my abdomen in July? STUPID. August brought ANOTHER (my fourth one to be exact) esophageal stretching (two days before the CIB) and now, Hello September, thanks for bringing me Staph!

Dear Universe,

I could use a break.

Sincerely,

Casey

And, yes, I am still bitter. (just less angry)