I Like Texas, Ain't if Fine Here

"Well there's old dancehalls and little cafe's, where you can get a taste of the Lone Star State, strap on your boots and have yourself a laugh or two, well there's no line dancin' just straight romancin'." -Pat Green, "I Like Texas"

When given the choice to go on a trip/getaway (whether somewhere a few hours away or across the country) I typically pick to stay home; it is my 'comfort zone,' my nest, my safe place.  I don't know if this is an 'OCD' thing, a crazy maternal thing, a chronic illness thing, or just part of my genetic makeup/ personality quirk(s).  Since 2010 it has been a chronic illness- I can't stay comfortable in the car for very long periods, I like using my own  bathroom, I can't predict how often I will have to change my bag (so that means packing up extra supplies, and always the question that lingers is "what if I have to go to the hospital or clinic?"   One of the goals I have set for myself (since I decided to "retire") is to get out more; not like normal places (Target, Movies, etc...), but to travel to places where I stay overnight.  This past weekend I got to do just that, Tyre's cousin got married near Abilene (beautiful couple, ceremony, and reception) and I packed up Saturday morning and we left town.  We stayed at his grandparent's house and it was the perfect amount of time, in my opinion, to be away from the house.  It is a 3 hour drive, a beautiful drive- and I enjoyed it because it's Texas and it's home.  We stopped at Dairy Queen, the obligatory stop on any Texas road trip, and despite the migraine lurking in my body- the three of us had fun.  Pat Green came on the radio and I was reminded how much I really do love Texas; the bluebonnets, Dairy Queens, the Lone Star Beer, dancing, barbecue, and wide open spaces (cue Dixie Chicks song). 

 

There is something that happens when you are driving on a trip.....

Your mind wanders, you day dream, you take mental inventory... and you escape.  

I plan on doing a bit more escaping in the near future.  

"Yeah, well, I like Texas, ain't it fine here...On the Sunday side of a road trip weekend, Lordy I was feeling so low." -Pat Green, "I Like Texas   

                        (the two of us, after the ceremony)

Life Lessons with Legos

Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures. -JFK

Morgan recently became interested in Legos.  She has been passing up playing on her iPad or watching TV and going straight for the Lego sets we have been picking up at Target.  The bigger the better.  Legos prove to be quite an internal battle for me; I don't like clutter, I don't like 'toys' left out, but, she has been working so hard on getting them put together I can't bear to just pack them up- so currently they are displayed on the counter in the kitchen.  

Since my "early retirement" on March 28th I have been working on 'building' my new life.  I worked in the same profession for the same national program for 7 years, I was good with my clients and enjoyed spending time with my co-workers/ friends.  It's been two weeks since I left my job and I have a routine.  A routine of television shows, cleaning, and napping- but a routine none the less.  Everyone asked me what I was going to do now that I am not working and I realized that I really just want to do nothing.  3 years ago on April 23rd I had a total colectomy and since then (I hate to say it) but it has gone down hill.  Every procedure, every surgery, every illness came with symptoms, pain, and guilt.  Guilt that I wasn't at work, guilt that I wasn't a participating member of my family, guilt that I had to cancel plans all the time.  Since April 2010 I haven't focused on ME.  I was always trying to push through, "I just need to get back to work,"  "I just need to get to the weekend to rest,"  "I just need to get through this day so I can go to bed."  And to be honest, it sucked.

For the past few days I have been making lists, setting "now that I'm not working" goals, scheduling FUN appointments.  I'm not going to lie, it's hard.  A few things i have learned is to not make commitments and always expect NOT to feel good, so retraining my brain is taking some work.  

As I pass Morgan's Lego town in the kitchen I am reminded how hard it is to build (time, energy, etc..) but also how easy it is to tear down.  So, for the next few weeks I'm focusing on building my new life- if only I had an instruction booklet.